Birthdays

Well it is a week before my 53 birthday, 5 1/2 years go I really didn't expect to be here. November 1st, 2005 my wife and I had just been told I have CML. From that day on my life has changed in so many ways it is to hard to explain. This year when my birthday comes around I will be older then my mother was when she died of brain cancer in 1983. I know medicine has changed a lot in that time but some things haven't, it still sucks when you have cancer no matter what kind it is. I sits in the back of your mind and just nags at you, reminding you, hey stupid you have cancer.

Most days I have learned how to muzzle these thoughts, once in a while they creep in and seem harder to get rid of then others. Today, actually this week my mother has been on my mind, when she died I was around 26-27 years old and I honestly thought she was old. I now realize just how young she was. How much of her life she was never able to live. She never saw any of her grandchildren, she didn't get to see how great of a teacher my daughter Jessica has become and how much at times she reminds me of my Mom. She was an incredible woman and I still to this day miss being able to talk to her and sharing what our family is doing. My Dad passed away just a couple of years ago and he got to see his grandchildren and until the last year or so enjoy what they where doing and what his children where doing in their life's.

I still have so much I want to do and see in my life and my family's life, so when I think about cancer sometimes I get in a slump, sometimes I don't enjoy life as much as I should, sometimes it is hard having cancer.... having cancer is hard all the time. It affects everyone differently and every story has a tale to tell. Sometime I have to work at being well, taking my meds. when I need to, but it is worth it and so am I.

To make a long story short my birthday this year will be a little depressing but it also will be a little joyful as I know there are so many things I am going to still be able to do. I will enjoy the day for what it is worth. But if I go off by myself for a while, leave me alone and everything will be fine in just a short time.

Thanks for stopping bye,

Chuck